57833.jpgBy S.S

© Copyright 2007 Splenda Sweet Productions, LLC.

:: hotel nikko summer bliss :: blue isn’t red :: 

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“Dare to tell you a story of a lover I loved who forsakened me”

Just a young woman…Trying to find my way…Will you be with me? Take me under your wings, protect me…I see the forest already before even seeing the trees…

And for the record my stories are real, are true. For whatever happened between us last summer and the secrets kept together. Forever will I treasure those memories.

Sitting…Waiting…Wondering…Hotel Nikko Blue

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Pure youth of what is yet remaining. So dare not forget me, us and what it was. How much that I had loved thee so passionately. Words can never describe the feelings.

WHEN THE SUN GOES TO BED, THAT’S THE TIME YOU RAISE YOUR HEAD

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So let the dreamers dream and fly away but the immortality just cannot escape your every day realities. Come back down to earth the sun is too hot here and the water is waiting for your forthcomings. Come and seek out lover wherever he is. He reminds you of way back when. And the future of something that could happen. Sometimes you dream so far ahead that the bubble is too high and afloat a mist the skies are too far gone to soar. But no mortal soul dare see nor notice you there in the clouds. Tell me, are you happy in the skies? Come back down to earth. Come back…

Hotel Room Bliss…Where We First Kissed…Made Love On The Bed

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 A SUMMER OF PURE BLISS - IS THIS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE IN LOVE?

Our summer was a blissful summer with heavenly clouds and magical waters surrounding. See the boats, the yachts, the jet skis and the people glide all around. And the beautiful storms. Watch the rain falling down as you and lover make sweet love in bed. Listening to every word and whisper that he tells you. Do you feel special? So magical are you both when the chemistry is mixed so right. Believe the words and the meanings because when you know that it is worth something to be someone to him and you try your hardest to not let your emotions give in. But the chemistry of love is so infatuating. How he makes your feel like a woman.

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Trying to wither away through the thunder jet of storms. Calm is the ocean seas like froth on ice rings just waiting for it’s jet ski happenings to alter your city upside down. Lovers ice skate like the swans swimming in that Napa Valley pond you remember seeing so clearly. And your lover was very near, no he will not disappear. Always held your hand and never let you go. But my dear you need to let it all go. For god’s sake. Let it go, pass…Oh, I never knew a better home, gypsy life ain’t so pretty. So what seemed to disease you and a love affair you dare not question just so that someone selfishly could have some attention. Trying to escape the pains but you know real pain, yes the realest pain of feeling one’s own pain never goes away. No matter where you are. Wherever you are. A castle in Rome, Paris, London, Milan. The expensive frills and all of the diamonds, pearls, yachts only take you so far. But within your heart, lay the truth. Only you know what it is. How does one deny this? When you try and try so hard to escape your realities only to get lost in one’s own dream. Dare he ever tell you all his elusiveness hiding behind his personality colored Miami walls and secrets? You want to know them all…

TIME PASSES, TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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How Soon You Falter To Fall In Love With Him, Are You Dreaming?

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Feels So Nice To Be By Your Side…Don’t Question It…Just Be In The Moment

And for all the love of it, the life of it. You start to freak. Because the scenes become so clear. Was it all a trap? Do not question what is beyond your visions. But something of a test and how you hate it. Being teased and appeased by it. All the keywords show the story. But you cannot run and hide any longer because believe it or not you may have just conquered your final fears. With this man. Who is this man? A searching for an answer within, within him but merely was it just a mere vision. Sparks a shelter in your storm. That is why you feel so comfortable in that penthouse living. Not that it suited you so well, empty piano room, pool table fills the colored walled rooms but the soul was calling. Deep within and the movement was just the right tempo. Curiousity sparked and moments came alive like never before. How you wanted to stay. Give a home, give a wanderer a place to roam. And so like many before but dare you not go there in your mind. Naive as you are you think you are but really you are nothing more but naive. Close the scene but you just can’t. You just can’t seem to sleep a bit just because you remember everything. But why, why, why cannot you forget every single scene like it was all a frivilous dream. Going back to missing pieces that weren’t completed by lover. And you tried to be good. Oh you really did but what had you were those toys. All the many toys in the game room of what was the final level of your life. Do not look away. It is too easy to look away. So not that you turned around. Had to just indulge it. He has so many secrets.

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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Late Nights Came Calling…I Could Not Stop Missing Him

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Take a look, a look around. Times like this can’t tell you. Just have to show you.

Power me oh powerful you. How you paint your picture so well. That one watches and one sees. Like in a picture show except you are not appearing to be moving. Yes look. Closer. Look closer and you will see he does not speak to you. He does not acknowledge you. Admit it. You know the truth. You know all and see past all the bull shit. This man, yes this man is a world away and many worlds away from home. On planet power wherever that may be and roam the ego so wild you as a woman cannot tame this beast. Do you not get it? Do you not hear nor listen. Oh but be it as you will. Do what you must to make it happen. Whatever it is you do and cast your magical spell on him. But what is happening? Is he too smart for your part?

 HOTEL NIKKO BLUE ♥♥ HOTEL NIKKO BLUE ♥♥ HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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 HOTEL NIKKO BLUE ♥♥ HOTEL NIKKO BLUE ♥♥ HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

Welcome to my world, a world of worlds of wonder of whatever and whatever joy and laughter. Whatever, whatever, whatever…Whatever comes to fancy imagination and story telling. Only the mind would shelter. Indeed. Only bliss would cherish this.

Ah ti ta, la ti da…Can your part get much sadder? 

And live it ever after perhaps in a happy manner. But the beauty is not telling nor is it forseeing but you so want to believe it that this is not a fantasy. Whatever you make of it, the lover has your missing story. Do not let him in because your shell is so fragile little girl blue. He is waiting for you in that Jaguar car. Ride with him…

I am trying my hardest to play the part. But I believe I keep thinking to hard. Tell me, where do we start? My beginnings, they never seem to carry to there happy endings. And so that you know I am not pretending. Live with me in a moving picture show of tragedy, see it grow. Then perhaps you will know.

Help! I have fallen to the point of rock bottom. Just hold my hand…

This is the way you left me. No I am not pretending. No hope, no love, no glory and no happy ending. This is the way that we love. Like it is forever. And live the rest of our lives when were together. This is the way you left me, I’m not pretending. 

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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www.mika.com

If anything should happen. Guess I wish you well…My little bit of heaven with a little bit of hell. This is the hardest story I have ever told. No hope or love or glory, happy endings gone forever more. I feel as if I’m wasting. And I’m wasting every day…

COME FLY WITH ME, MOVE WITH ME, IN A MIAMI DREAM…

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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So real, so real…What is in your mind? What is really happening in your mind? Do you not want me? Are you making me crazy? Why do you tease me? I cannot show it but I am beginning to feel it. Tell me is this really what love is? I am so tender to it…

2 o’clock in the morning, somethings on my mind…

Oh dark halls, dark hell walls. New York City…Tried to escape my dreams and bad realities. Called the mortals in the books and this time the people were not singing and there I was all alone, begging. Tracking lover, wherever. Let the music play then the music dies. Then the music dies…I called you and you never answered.

AND THE DARK WALLS TELL ALL

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CAN’T GET NO REST KEEP WALKING AROUND

And you are pacing and you are shaking. Trying to reach out to something but there is nothing helping. Is it so strange? Is it really so strange that strangers can come in and out and just leave you in despair. As if you weren’t already ready for the danger. It comes again. Mystery never ends and the illusion of the elusive seems to be inconclusive. There is not hot water here for you in this New York City hotel room. The shower is so cold and stale and you lay there feeling so frail. Misunderstood I know. Poor thing. But the world does not care. And life crumbles. It feels as if you were left there to die and to cry. So be it. Lover dare not hear your screams.

Tried So Hard To Escape The Pain, Run Away From It All

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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Listen To The Heart Beat Rhythm Trying To Appeal To You 

And your rhythm is just so appealing. And he told her that you just have to trust him on this that this Hotel Nikko Bliss may not happen as you wanted it. Oh she was so sad and the minute she read the email and text she knew that the love was dying…

Whatever way she can. Can you hear me? Can you see me? Do you breath and feel the same. There shouldn’t be any difference but what to make of this only time will tell. And all the moments you kept the poor girl wandering and thinking with pain. As if pain never came so naturally. Hints and pieces of remainders of the missing story. But soon to find out that she found out within herself what had called her to you. Trying to follow the story but sometimes it is just to hard to track the mind, the poets, the songs and all the many words. Time heals all wounds. Love knows no boundries but unfortunately dear lover never breaks any rules. So how can one claim there stake when the partaking is not elastic enough for the magic to run it’s course. How very sad but true. She tried to teach you. Will you stop your music? Just Listen…

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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Let me in lover, let me in. Do not question it. You just have to believe in me. Believe me on this that you must be there in this moment. It’s as if I can see it so clearly. So trust me. Pains me to know this. But you must stay with me through all of this…

Will You Come Along With Me? View The World Through Fantasy…

 

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Do I dare, I dream and I saw. I believe I’ve seen it all. In one night, in the hour of the hours that passed by seems like nothing can be disguised. Look for you over the bridge and when you drive back home again tell me promise to me that you have not sinned for I have been burned again and again. Naked you see me, naked you and I so raw as raw can be but the realness seems to be over looked within the fantasy. Don’t cheat me in the game of reality. My eyes see. Did you mean it? What you said…

Can You See Past The Palm Trees? Do You Believe All In What You See? 

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Dare We Both Not Tell That This Fantasy In Miami Suddenly Has Become Reality…

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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And so, and so the story goes…Never did you dream to dream of Miami ocean breeze with the seas. The palm trees willowing so gracefully. Sitting on this balcony can feel a bit lonely. Dare you not tell him because he controls the story within. But your mind realizes that the times of your life are starting to change so suddenly as if you cannot replace things as gracefully. It must be something so special and real that this feeling has the best of you. Only you really can question to yourself the meaning of what really is worth believing. But the truth dare not tell that the story you hide so well is yet secret in a song upon many songs. What took you here, whatever it was your little girl dream, princess fantasy suddenly appears as reality. And life get’s crazy… 

You Open My Eyes – Now I’m A Little Bit Wiser – A Little Bit Colder

And so this where the dreamers come to go and go to play. Yes I see it and you my lover have been a part of it. It is your secret. Oh I see by looking around your penthouse halls that the walls and the wines, the living memories all around have made you a very happy man. Come and fly away with me again and again.

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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www.hotelnikko.com 

Hotel Nikko Blue…She’s Waiting For You…

Don’t test. Don’t tell. Never shall you tell. For all the living, the love the laughter and the Senoma square. Don’t be fooled into the appeal of luring you there because the hunt and the chase was the thrill ride only to be erased. As time ticks and what you imagined of it. Only time will tell. Perhaps in another life we could be lovers.

Sometimes I Just Want To Run Away To My Tokyo Dreams

You know…Leave the states. Leave the pallette in the mist of all that I was trying to create. And just drift away to Tokyo and become a mistress of some sort with some wealthy Asian business man tycoon…Just drift away to a far away planet, far away…

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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When You Made Love To Me, How It Felt So Right…

In your dim light of the day how I turned to you in the darkest hour of confusion and so much passion…When our worlds collide again and ever when you touch your own emotion…Come back for me, whether or not you choose to join me in the future frilly fantasy or whatever the petty means. This life and all the sacrifice too late did I realize that all that was imagined had already happened. For you my dear. Did you you let them all watch? Partake in the most intimate times all the times was it a mistake? Don’t question a wise woman because before anything has ever happened. Dare to test my story in your court room and all it’s glory. I know you oh so well…

“Closer” And if ever do we meet again we will be again…

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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And so it is – Like you said it would be – Life goes easy on me
Most of the time – And so it is – Shorter story – No love, no glory – No hero in her sky

La, te, da does your part really get much sadder? Never did you think that the girl would run into yet another disaster. But there was laughter, there was…Right here waiting for you, anticipating you just outside the balcony beautiful indoor swimming pool of the Hotel Nikko, San Francisco feeling so BLUE, BLUE, BLUE. And the Hotel Nikko with the marbled floors and marbled walls as you leave the girl, this plain ordinary young girl to sunbathe here in luxury. Never has she been happier.

I can’t take my eyes off of you – I can’t take my eyes off you
I can’t take my eyes off you – I can’t take my eyes… D.R

After two years of spinning in circles the wheels have stopped and there is music in the air, a breath of fresh air. That is you. That is lover. That is bliss. That is heaven and it feels like heaven whatever heaven feels like the girl is floating on cloud nine! She is floating away far away up high on cloud nine! With what you have given, adding frills to the frilly fantasy, through the growing pains within the indoor swimming pool dreams where she dreamed of creating in Information Security…

Help, I Have Been Here:: www.sia.com :: Many Times Before

In despair for whatever was there. Tried to jump out of the window you know. But that man he held my hand. Oh he noticed it. And when I drank the wine and shattered the glasses pieces behind the scenes of that conference. I left that stained color on the bathroom sink and wandered back as if nothing had ever happened.

 That idea had the best of her and drowned the idea of creating Frilly Fantasy. Whatever was on her mind she tried her hardest to relax but wanted her lover to be by her side. The way that he treated her felt so right. “He treated me so right and so right and good that a girl like me is just not plain used too.” They held hands and made love together like it felt so right. As scattered as she was she felt your love that you gave in her desperately vulnerable time of need. This trip, never forget.  Kamaburo silent room thinking of you, lover. Incredible kiss. Nikko Bliss…S.S

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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Lucky Girl

02Sep07

My Merry Go Round Is Spinning Biological Clock Is Ticking 

Please oh please do not keep the girl waiting because she is anticipating the beautiful awakening. But is it too late for the ones that really matter? And all the love ones that cry for her for they never did have a clue how dissappointed they were in you… 

Tell Me…Was It Really Beautiful Our Love? 

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HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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Oh he makes me wonder. With those high heeled stiletto $450 dollar silver sparkly Pedro Garcia shoes, those show stoppers. And the white pure lingerie that he helped you pick out on that Michigan Avenue shopping day. Oh patience woman. How the antics and the frantics got you here to another strange place sitting on top of highrise skies way up high crashing clouds like you modern urban gypsy girls do. Oh toy with the man, sending text messages left and right, right and left. Why ever don’t you leave him alone? People sleep you know…Something is happening as you toy with your back gums, your wisdom tooth in your mouth is starting to come out. What is happening? This transitioning. And all the time you are still in love with him. Yes you are obsessed with him and you want more. Perhaps in time…

www.googoodolls.com 

Might not be that bad, you were the best I ever had… 

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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Do You Feel Like Such A Lucky Girl…Do You?

Oh you are so powerful. But the scene is beginning to change I know. And the laughter and all the many smiles and giggles starting to change to frowns. 

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Kisses For The Girl Who Never Had A Clue

And she is smiling and she is giggling just like he likes it oh she knows he likes it. And every time she reads those silly text messages she feels so tickled, so blushed, so lushed and so flattered. She cannot wait to see him! She cannot wait, wait, wait to see him! And hold him, and be with him, and miss him and kiss him. And how she feels like she is floating on cloud nine and that she wants to be with him and kiss him and miss him all day long.  Share the wine with him and travel the world with him to exotic locations and destinations. Show him all the love she has saved and that she has for him. With him, she feels so happy and so giddy. Like a feeling of no other. And that white Victoria’s Secret lingerie with the sparkling stoned $400 Pedro Garcia shoes from Neiman Marcus. How they were worn, adorned and admired by many others, the mortal strangers. And her rosy cheeks so rosy red from hearing his voice and the lovely flowered card that he sent with that special present why the girl was in heaven. The girl was in heaven!  S.S

I’ll never change all my colors for you…

www.pedrogarcia.com

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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Pack your bags and your things. The story never ends and the fantasy begins. Never did you want to see it nor ever want to believe it but the feeling has really been happening and you are beginning to question. Are you really turning into a woman? 

Dear Frilly Fantasy, Till We Meet Again Soon… 

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And so it is – Just like you said it should be
We’ll both forget the breeze – Most of the time
And so it is – The colder water

And so she will leave you behind and pack you away. As it is early in the morning in the hotel room once again. That favorite place to be. So she indulged and she loved every minute of it. As she was changing and awaiting to see him. And the flight was waiting and she once again was late for that special date. The messy traffic scenes and the previous dream was lingering over to this present fantasy. But thankfully she arrived and the sweetness went along and she hummed love songs all day, all night long. Waiting to see him and to kiss him and to be with him. Let’s go. And off to the vineyards we go. It was the loveliest trip and the loveliest time for her to be with him. Lovely were those swans in the pond sing with the lovers as they hold hands outside the mansion. Bliss in the sunshine. Let the lovers be lost in time. Just be. Remember the words, the song, the car ride to the vineyards and the Senoma square birds. Calling loverbirds to the heavenly skies and taste the Joy dessert wine.  So sweet the melting sun is your world, our world to mold, lovers…S.S

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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She Packed Her Bags Pre-Flight Let’s Go…Can’t Wait To…

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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And am I acid tripping? Is this really, really happening?

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Showers Storm Against The Wet Walls Flooding Halls

I can’t take my eyes off of you – I can’t take my eyes off you
I can’t take my eyes off you – I can’t take my eyes… D.R

And soon she was ready for the time of her life. Off to the west coast to the Napa Valley, Senoma and the San Francisco sun. Where her lover waits and they ride off into the sunset. Taste the wines, the many wines and the vineyards with the beautiful white swans that love in the pond with the sourdough breads and the sweetest scents you smell of lavender in the air. Are you excited? Are you happy? The smile on your face is making you glow like a woman should glow. And you are so giddy every time he calls you and tells you how much he misses you. How much he misses you…You love the way he teases and the way he pleases, you love it. S.S

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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Only For A Moment And the Moment’s Gone 

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And You Remember When You Used To Hate That Song

The pre-wedding dress when you court her to the fancy dinners and serenade her with all your storytellers and songs. How she listened in fascination and wanted to be a part of your life. And the Borders and the Michigan Avenue wanders how she was so impressed with the poetry and all the authors you read. Though she never knew the brain of him and it turned the girl on so much. She could not tell you because she was still naive to show you but she really wanted to just kiss you then and there. He made it is seem so safe.  She wants to be safe with him and only him. She didn’t know that love could feel this way. And the carmalized bannanas at the Hard Rock Hotel restaurant with the interesting stories how he had spoke so elequently. Yes she was in love with you madly…Was it all but a dream to dream? S.S

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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I am waiting for the September rain to come in after the summer sets in. And your Cannes Film festival lights with the movie stars up high where your criminal life of law and love the passions suit you. Can’t hold back the feeling. Is this a dream?


 Was So Dark. Called Your Friend. Late Night 2A.M 

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Hotel Nikko Empty Lobby, Empty Heart

It’s so silent. It’s so dark and so dim. Everyone is sleeping and dreaming. Everyone but the girl. Called your friend, friends had to tell it. Had to cancel it. But what she had realized is the end is ending and no one is caring? All the inspiration and the motivation. The energy is draining. The mind is not responding. As she is just simply trying to become a woman. She is feeling uncertain. She is feeling alone and abandon. Call your friends, go ahead and call them. the emotions within you are running so thin. You were somewhat dissapointed in him. As if he didn’t know it. Didn’t see it. The man was oblivious to it. She is having second thoughts if this is a right fit. He is just one man in demand. He is just one for the taking and many there are out there who are taking dare not are they giving. She wanted you all along. Play your puppet and dance lover. She wanted you all along…S.S

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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Hotel Nikko Hotel Room Feeling So Blue 

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HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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“You know the fantasy. I am here. You are there”

All the time wanting to be a part of what is to be a part of the part. The lines, the scenes this freaky dream. The girl is listening, the girl is here. Damn it! She is here. Right behind you damn it! Right behind you! Talk to her, listen to her, show her that you care for her. Don’t put this behind, second in line. How used to this and the need for your love and attention is so what she is missing. Tick and tock the clock is ticking are you listening? No he is not. He is conferencing and converging and emerging with the president’s and the leaders of the economy. “I just really want you and only you to be with me, love me.” But there is a girl a simple girl. Just turn around and wink at her, smile at her do something just to let her know that you are there and that you care. But the work it comes first and second is the dessert. Is it now time to jump out of the window of the Hotel Nikko Blue? S.S


 Want To Fly Away Together? Watch The Mortals Below 

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So Far Up The Dreamers Forget Planet Earth, Lover

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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How it was all so in glamour from that Hotel Nikko window. “Do you want to fly with me?” She wants you to take her under your wings because you are the missing piece and the story she wants to know to see and to grow. Won’t you tell her? Won’t you show her? Won’t you give her a chance?  Don’t let her go. Finish the frilly fantasy with her. Don’t deny her. Us…together…It just feels so right. Trust in this feeling because the sky is our limit and we know no limitations. The clouds are moving and the scene she is recalling from your balcony the way your movements were and the naming of the faces in the white puffed clouds so high. Dare to tell the sun about this feeling because the power would be so strong, so hot that the melting could be quite revealig. Lover must not dare tell a soul the tales we tell so well. Allow us to fly to cloud nine and leave San Francisco temporarily as we dream away in bed to the Euphoria that we kept within our imagination in our heads. As real as it gets.  S.S

Did I say that I loathe you? Did I say that I want to Leave it all behind?


Glaze over the sparkling of the water waiting for you…

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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Do you deserve to be on the clouds? You, me take on the world together. But sadly the story ends. Do not play pretend. I read your eyes very well. 

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And ever and ever. Sit her. The girl she thinks and sits there. Just look at her. Despair. Happiness. Love? That how she wants to spend her time here. With you. Tell her, does she suit you? Ask yourself. Is she the one for you? Because you said. Oh you said that the fit it fits oh so well. But he denies. The man so elusive. So then really, stay elusive. Be that way as if she cared. Oh but she really, really does care. Care enough to cry at least. Sad poetry all day because the thoughts are in confusion. Whatever it is the imagination succumbs to the realization that he may not love her! Perhaps because never did she want him. But now she tends to want him. Really, really likes him. Seems it may be too late.  Scary to think and feel. But the end seems real. Do you want to jump? The water is warm lover… S.S


HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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With all your sunbathe dreams. The polka dots on lovers ex lovers bikini that you wore for the man. Sitting outside there was like it all happened minutes ago. So vividly the picture clear how you just needed to escape that indoor swimming pool to taste and breathe the fresh breeze. While lover is inside somewhere presenting to and audience where you were just to scattered to fit in. So you sun and you loath like a princess does but the heat get’s too hot and you start to melt. Wondering and questioning is this really something that is happening? Questioning the life you are suddenly living. Are you living? We both want to feel right about this situation. 

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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www.victoriassecret.com 

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This body. I gave to him. And was it love? I questioned him. He responded with a yes and all the while it happened. I was smitten and love struck from all that has happened. In that penthouse. Where I will not question. Because Miami everything tends to happen. But I know that the criminal and the one’s that defends them is something that is something that I want to explore within. Because it is something of some sort what brought me there. And when I found him there and it took me there. I was speechless. I don’t want to end this. To end would be pointless. I’m speechless. I believe that I am in love. Oh my body is so enthralled. Take me… S.S


HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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Want To Sit There Forever… 

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We Fit So Well

In a home that is so lovely. Never seen such beauty because of what the music played and how it matched our tastes. Do you know the story oh so well? Oh but not like the way she knows it. Because she is so fresh to it. And I know that is how you like it. But the simplicity seemed to turn to complexity and the real world is watching. But the immortals are playing but they cannot see it only lover can see it. That right around the corner beyond the picture was the heartbeating and pulsating to a marvelous rememberance. Whatever is to become of all of this?

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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This is not a chance to justify our last dance. Because what I remember all the growing pains have disappeared and suddenly we are crying. Don’t cry for me lover.

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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And thought that the keys were in the future but the million other women that were in bed before I got there just had to question it. But when you are young and woman you need to seek some shelter of it. And not like I am naive to this game but I am out of it, sick of it. And the aftermath of it. I am see the taste of the medicine. It is getting harder and harder. But as I look here. As I sit here. As I wander and try to be an entrepreneur. You are not here. And I wander where he dissappears to. Because I am not a lawyer. I am not a performer. I do not know Miami any better. I pretend to be here with a man I care for. I am so amused by all what is around and what he had given to me. Will you keep me? I am worried. S.S


Blur spins round the mind in a yellow fixation 

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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What has happened?

But I guess I really wasn’t. And I am dying to see your ex’s and all the other messes. When you told me all there stories and your stories. Now I picture it so clearly with the photography in front of me. I cannot help but be jealous. Because I like you. I really like you. I really, really, really like you. S.S


Don’t Let Her Cry , Don’t Let Her Fall

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Thought you knew it all. That the control had to let her go but the madness of the suffocation had the woman going crazy. And she called the health agency on the phone screaming that this is not me! Everything that I wanted to be. This is not me! Princess on the highest tree top when the man you love has left the building only to leave you sitting pretty with lot’s of honey and cheese. All the wine in the world..S.S


Felt So Alive

01Sep07

Must Be Dreaming On This Plane Ride 

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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Clouds So High, Feels Like I Have Been Lifted

That I don’t want to ever go back home. I must admit that you were right. But soon you will forget all about me. It was my ex that made me lose all confidence and the fact that I have seen it all. The worst and the best of it so I know love. I know love. Don’t think I am naive because I am young. I know love. Let me share it with you. When you told me the horrible truth on the balcony. I really couldn’t take it like a woman. I took it like a girl. Be with me. I really like you…S.S


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Do you know this man? Did he walk with you down the same path? I have probably seen your face before. On the street. Pretty girl. Smart girl. That’s the way he like’s them. How many other are there of us? One in a million. I think not. Are you thinking the way I am thinking and feeling the way I am feeling? You know you are special. Oh but does he know we are all in love with him? I feel so cheap. Do you? S.S

I can’t take my mind off you I can’t take my mind…
My mind…my mind…’Til I find somebody new


Let Her Cry

01Sep07

Baron Bathroom Walls 

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Naked and Frail Dying

HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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Arrived here through the storm. And I took my frial, confusion and took my clothes off. Showering. Denying. Crying. Thinking. Why am I here? I do not belong here. I am scared. I am so scared. The danger of the waters. I have swam to far. And the sharks are preying for the unforgiving. But the unconventional and the mysterious lead me astray. It doesn’t feel right.

For whatever has happened. Please don’t tell anyone what has happened. The darkness calls and screams the phone calls because can you just imagine? Waiting for the sin that just has come in. And you are shaking. Breaking and calling for the lover who is not answering! Why are you not answering! Damn it! Damn it…S.S


Dare I Show…

01Sep07

Poor The Joy Dessert Wine Please… 

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That here was a place I know. And where to wander and all the scenery, the water, the stars, the moon, I wander. Will you take me there? Am I in heaven? How did I get here? And where have you been all my life? I am just born and opening my eyes. I want to see the world with you but I am not sure how to tell you. But I know I must feel you but you will never fully understand the truth. I kept holding his head. As if I wanted it. What was in it. His mind. His brain. His information. It contained the missing pieces to my childhood dreams and schemes. For whatever it means. I was there. It was real. And when that dinner table filled. I knew it felt so strange but my mind created the taste and the fable so that I was able to live here in that moment. I dropped that damn chocolate cake and I couldn’t speak a word to his perfect guest in the perfect scene. But I was dreaming. And it felt forgotten because the place I crashed was so far removed. How time has spun and people move on. I am not a girl. But he is my…Just hold my hand through this. It is different what I am making of it. It is all so different. S.S

 


When Are You Going To Come Home? 

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When am I coming home? No not anymore. There is no other way but to fly. This ground, this mortal ground is so BLAH. The only mortal I want to take is my lover. I want him. I want this older man who has been where I have never been and sinned. I want to taste his sin and be a part of him on this life, this journey. I do not know how to tell him. Is this why I am losing him? The girls have no fight. Because I can only speak to him in words and imagination gone wild. I just want it all to simmer down so that we can talk. But I wait here. My behavior. My manner. Made him go away. And it just disappeared. It all just disappeared. I care for you, wherever you are…Let’s make it work somehow. Please?  S.S


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New York City seemed so dark tonight. Almost cried again because of last year’s sin. And somewhere on the upper east side the city sleeps and I am crying. Here I am calling for someone, anyone and the lover I want has went away. Again. He has went away. Dare I try to reach out but know one hears me. I am just a little girl. S.S


Baron Roads. Tired With No Home 

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It is something that I wonder and tinker. But I keep going. With the music full speed. Time is passing so quickly and the relationships I’ve had and the people have met are dying. We change, we grow, we out live and move in directions so fast. I cling on to this man who I claimed my lover. But without his shelter, I am going mad. It hurts and pains so much to long for his touch. I long for it so much. S.S


Pre-Flight Don’t Think Twice 

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HOTEL NIKKO BLUE

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I am going and I am never leaving where this plane is taking me. Oh it is so sad that I am selling myself for pennies but the craving and the feeling for love is worth the creation making. Don’t tell me he doesn’t want me because I refuse. I REFUSE! And what little do I know or see. I just want someone next to me. Holding me, protecting me, being there by my side. S.S 


The Papers Were All A Disaster

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There Is No More Green Grass

And the cement is lonely as you walk the harden pavements alone on the streets. Back and forth. Dare I ditch the valet men and dare I walk alone downtown in my frilly dark blue dress and look like such a mess. I AM A DISASTER! How I called Steve that day and everyone else to complete me in this tragedy where I am playing with the bums on the street. There hair, crushing cans as if I was so out of touch with reality that I hadn’t a clue how down and out in the gutter that I was. When my car was towed, the mess of tickets, I MISS THE LOVER, the many men, the many mind games, the ring circus, the changing of the seasons and the confusion. This was yet another crisis of a disaster and the emotional has gotten the best of me. I saw something today. Many days, in fact weeks after today. When Vince and Sandy were at the table. I glanced and it felt so painful. Because I thought of him and who he might be with. I am all alone. ALONE ALONE ALONE. I have seen way too much. Dear God.  S.S


I Am Molding In These Handcuffs Well 

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www.teno.com

And to the many other wives and pretty young girls that came before me or during me, I want you all to know a story that I know you probably heard before. If you live in the city and you know the powerful, you know the beautiful, you know the sinners and the winners. You get to know everyone. But do you know and realize the pain you suffer when your ego of a man has made you crazy. It didn’t shock me until weeks later and months went by to let the oversaturation, the maturation and the marination of the actions and the physical chemical reaction take hold. It happens all the time. And the man has no clue. I wonder. I wonder. I really do wonder. S.S


 Trying To Let Go Of The Dream 

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The one that I had in my mind when I was wide awake. And I had to just run out of that house and cry, cry, cry. So I called the strange Dr. Oh hell, I do not know why but my mind was crazy and the lover I wanted is just ignoring me. I am too embarrassed to confess to it but the range of men that I have pre-selected are not doing it. But I began to freak out. And maybe time will only tell but this rollar coaster ride of who to chose is making me…Oh dear god, I remember the changes so well. And I did it all at this highrise tree top downtown when the Dr. was out of town. But all the while in the midst of the bills, the thrills and the chaotic spills, I missed him. I terribly missed him. And the lawyer was consuming my mind. The CEO over did me and overwhelmed me to the point that he had what I wanted in business and I knew of it all what was calling me. But the love and the heart that was showed to me was from the lawyer and I dreamed of no otherS.S


 Those Pedro Garcia Shoes…

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No Happy Ending?

When you love, when you really like someone so strong and so powerful that you long for that someone to be your special someone to protect you, it is a dangerous thing. The effect it had on me. Even if it was a short moment of time that I had spent with him. I cannot help but obssess about how I feel. I care for him. I want to care for him. It’s time. I can see the future and though what is not in the here and now I can see the future and a future with this man. I am waiting here and going crazy here in a strangers house when I am in love with a stranger of a man and I had to hope from house to house like a lost gypsy searching for shelter. I am trying so hard to control my emotions. I am now waiting in line…S.S

 


I wear the lingerie everyday and I wait… 

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This summer when I was once again yet so vulnerable. And somehow I crossed paths with a man who I am sitting here, waiting for, thinking of and wondering if he feels the same. Oh but my intuition knows he is on another planet. But that moment with him has stung me like a bee. And I am acting so crazy because I am so smitten and I cannot work here without him. I think I am in love with him. I think I am… S.S


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I just had to. The pictures, the view and the summer heat. What it was that seemed like a dream. I feel like a fool. I feel so cheap. Dare I tell. I can’t. So it just has to be this way. I have to show it this way. I am so confused. But this is something so strong. I repeat his words. And he keeps me astray, he is playing me. I don’t know. I do not know. Dare I think about it but I cannot help it. All I know is that I feel like a fool right now. I feel like a fool. S.S


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It is her voice. It is her. I think I am so fixated. And he emailed to me “If you watched it a third time” I watched it for the first time with him. I don’t know who I am in love with. And sitting here listening to her voice. S.S